How To Piss Amy Off The Week Before Finals
A Helpful Guide

Step 1
Become Amy's roommate. This can be done by either convincing her that you two would get along very well, or by giving sexual favors to the people over at University Housing that handle roommate assignments. Either way is valid, but the second option may be easier for you, depending somewhat upon who you are.

Step 2
Be very inconsiderate and selfish all year long, but never too inconsiderate or selfish--you don't want to push Amy over the edge too soon. Just do generally annoying things that are also forgivable, and occasionally be nice to make up for them.

Step 3
Register for classes in such a way that most of your classes the last week of school pre-finals will be cancelled. Also register for Chemistry, but make sure to never attend (and I mean never--not once all semester). (Note: You may have to accept a failing grade in Chemistry, but it will be worth it when you reach your ultimate goal of pissing Amy off.)

Step 4
Come the week before finals, use all the extra time you have since all of your classes were either cancelled or are Chemistry (which, as covered in Step 3, you've never attended, despite your complaints of failing each and every test) to sit in the room and never leave. Also, make sure you always set your alarm for five minutes before Amy has to leave for her classes to assure that she has to get dressed in the dark and dry her hair in the bathroom every single morning.

Step 5
During all this time you're just sitting around your room, don't just sit there! This is key--it is imperative that you watch TV all day long. If you don't complete this step, the plan is ruined. Watch every annoying TV show you can, never turning the TV off, but more specifically, be sure to watch the following every time they're shown on television:
The Nanny
While You Were Out
NYPD Blue
All this will assure that not only will Amy not be able to watch anything she wants (how could she possibly not want to watch all eight episodes of The Nanny that are shown on Lifetime each day?), but will also assure that she can't listen to music or read or study in the room.

Step 6
This step is optional, and can be inserted at any point during the year, but is most useful once you've already gotten Amy good and annoyed. Complain about your workload. Never admit that you're taking mostly easy classes, but make sure to complain about every half-page paper you are assigned, because Amy's got to understand that a half a page, double-spaced, is an awful lot to write, especially since you obviously can't work on it while The Nanny is on.

Step 7
Sit back and reap the benefits of sticking with the plan all year long! Congratulations! You've successfully pissed Amy off. Well done.

10 To The Hour, Every Hour

Gideon Yago (MTV News correspondent, for those of you like Mashe who live under rocks) came to UGA this evening to speak for Israel Culture Week. Being a sucker for a well-informed, political mind and a set of Buddy Holly glasses, I made sure to be there and be there early. Gideon's Jewish, and his father is from Israel, and so he came to give a lecture on the state of affairs in the Middle East as well as some of his experiences doing MTV documentaries in that area. Basically he gave a very eloquent lecture (quite intelligent and cleverly written--the kind of writing that, when you hear it, really strikes you as creative and innovative), then showed a clip from True Life: I Live In The West Bank or some such documentary, and then had a Q&A period. He had some very interesting things to say; I agreed with nearly all of his opinions. The attendance of the lecture consisted primarily of Jewish girls, and at one point during the Q&A I swear I thought there might be a brawl, because a few girls were getting pretty angry at his unbiasedness. He essentially contended that there are bad and good people on both the Israel and Palestinian side, and a few of the girls seemed to be of the "Israel can do no wrong" opinion. He stuck to his guns, which I liked, and had very convincing arguments, even if I don't think those girls were too happy with him after that.
After the program, he stuck around in Georgia Hall to chat with fans and stuff, and of course how could we resist whipping out our cameras and waiting for him? I asked him what his favorite band was (a burning question, I know), because I'd really wanted to ask during the Q&A but didn't want everyone thinking "Everybody asked really intelligent questions, except that dumb girl who just wanted to know what kind of music he listened to!" His response: "Fuck a duck, that's hard! Um...the Rolling Stones."
Really, if I could find one just like him, that'd be great. Cute and smart. How often does that happen? But I swear, I just want him for his mind. Truly. I swear.


I'd be grateful if you'll overlook my hideousness in this photo--I told Jessica I should have taken the extra time to re-blow dry my hair and make myself look halfway decent for Gideon, but she said the rain would've ruined my hair, anyway. Oh well--truthfully, who's going to be looking at me when Gideon Yago is in the picture?

I Could Tell You're Feeling Better Now



Jump, Little Children (who've now changed their name to simply "Jump," but I hate that, so I'm going to continue calling them JLC like always) played a short instore at Schoolkids Records downtown this afternoon. David and I were, of course, in attendance. It was really cool--anybody who's been to the store knows that it's tiny, so we had no idea how it was going to work. They just herded us all back into the aisles and the band set up in a row right in front of the counter, and although it was very hot and crowded, it ended up working well (though I may say that only because David and I were in the very front). The band played five or six songs off their new CD, Between The Dim & The Dark, which came out Tuesday, and then signed everybody's copies of the CD. The band members are all so nice and dorky; I love 'em. Bain and Count were both there (separately--I'm not entirely sure that everything's cool between them again yet), and both of them we didn't recognize at first (David on Count--"Amy, who's that weird guy waving at you?"). I haven't listened to the new CD yet, but I liked all the songs they played. All you Jumpfans should check it out.
Overall it was great. More bands should do stuff like this, little mini-shows and instores and the like--only maybe they could find someplace a little bigger and a little more air-conditioned to do them in. Yeah, that'd be nice.

Debauched

It's been a fun weekend thus far.

Things I Remember From Last Night:

Bain Mattox at Twilight Criterium downtown, of course

Late night Wendy's

Impromptu drunken fun at some guy's apartment

Laura's margarita face

Singing Marvelous 3 songs while everyone ignored me

Watching stoners talk to their pizza

Petting Kevin's hair repeatedly

Having to be walked up to my room at the night's end

Things I Don't Remember From Last Night, But Was Told About This Morning:

Being hit on by a girl

Falling into the TV

Somehow obtaining Megan's cell phone, which was in my purse when I woke up this morning

Taking about half of the pictures that I actually took

Making a fool out of myself as we entered Brumby at four

Overall, a productive night. Tonight's cookies, chocolate fondue, and a Ewan McGregor movie marathon (if watching Down With Love followed by Trainspotting constitutes a marathon). Good times, good times.

Then You Become So Uncomfortably Numb

I'm sure the vast majority of you are wholly uninterested in this, but for the three or four of you who are, you can go to Pure Volume and listen to two new Butch Walker songs, one of which is going to be on the new CD, and the other of which is going to be a B-side. Check 'em out if you want.

Newsworthy

Yesterday's edition of The Red & Black featured, beginning on the very front page and continued on page 7 (clearly there was a lot to say about this extremely important issue), an article about UGA students' predilection for playing Halo. You heard me. Apparently very little of note happened on Tuesday. My favorite part of the article:

"The best thing about it is that it never gets old; it never gets boring," said Jason Burkett, a freshman from Alpharetta. "I usually play it for at least four hours every day."

Ha. Four hours every day? Impressive. Way to guarantee you'll be single for the rest of college, Jason. But hey, Alpharetta represent! I like it when kids I know are in the paper.

"You give me miles and miles of mountains, and I ask for the sea."

Lowlight Of My Day: Some bitch on my hall stealing signs off my door for the second time in a week. I have nagging visions of punching her in the face. But we have a plan, oh, do we have a plan...

Highlight Of My Day: Don't think I'm a dork. Well, I am a dork, so think what you will. Remember those logic puzzles teachers used to give out for extra credit and stuff in elementary school, where you had a grid and clues like "The man who eats pizza does not live in a red house"? Yeah, those. Well, that's essentially what we're doing in Philosophy right now, only about thirty times more complex. And I love it. I want to be like that nerdy kid back in fifth grade who'd always ask for extra supplemental homework because the assignment didn't take him long enough. God I'm a dork.

Tomorrow: Acoustic Cafe at Myers at 7:30. David and Cam are headlining. Free food and coffee. Be there.

Have A Nice Trip, See Ya Next Fall

I realize that it's trendy right now to be an Outkast fan, and I appreciate a good amusing rap song as much as the next girl, but if I have to hear that damn "roses smell like poo-poo" song again...I don't even know what. I hate it.
So I'm feeling slightly better, illness-wise. And on an unrelated but still important note, I fell twice today already. Once, when I was walking up the stairs between the bus stop and the dining hall, and again, when I was walking up the stairs between the dining hall and Creswell. And yes, in case you were worried, there were plenty of people around both times to fully appreciate my clumsiness. Bad things come in three's, right? Do falls? Because in that case, I'd better avoid stairs for the remainder of the day.
Life Or Something Like It is being watched in our room for the seventieth time this year. Nobody has it; it's just always on HBO or Housing 12 or something. The more I watch this movie, the less and less I like it. I already don't like Angelina Jolie much at all. She just irritates me. And Angelina Jolie with near-albino blonde hair is something like four times as irritating as regular Angelina Jolie. She really should stick to her natural color.
I have to leave in a few minutes for drama, where we're working on scenes from Cat On A Hot Tin Roof. I'm Margaret in a scene between her, Brick, and Mae. We've got a girl playing Brick, and before our final performance our little group has plans for a little pre-drama pre-gaming, because the girl says she can't play a guy without at least a little alcohol in her, and what kind of group partners would we be if we didn't join her? Bad ones, that's what kind. So this'll be fun. Practically slapstick.

Another Whole Box Of Pandoras

For the record, I hate you all, and Beth's a giant bitch.
I've been exhausted for days. For one thing, I've been sick. This is the first time I've been sick enough to really call it "sick" since probably sophomore year of high school, and I'm not enjoying it, because at least in high school you can miss school because of illness. I mean, in college you can, but I really can't afford to be missing any more classes this close to finals after my truant phase of a couple weeks back. Just not a good idea.
It's been a busy week or so. In addition to a good deal of things I won't and can't say in such a public forum, I've had tests and meetings and just general business to attend to every day. Thursday afternoon we had a little anti-Bush rally over at the Arch, which was quite entertaining. I like feeling political. Then I had a meeting for the next issue of UGAzine (the one with my article in it, by the way, should be coming out pretty soon), which was identical to the last meeting for the current issue, so I really didn't need to go. Eh, just a wasted hour or so. Then Friday the Columbus roadtrip fell through, as everything I plan is wont to do, so I stuck around Athens and went to Dawgs After Dark with the roomie, et cetera, and then about an hour of TEP's infamous Shipwreck party. My God that house is disgusting. I made a rule months back that I'd never attend another TEP party, and let me just say that it was a big mistake to break said rule.
Saturday I went to the G-Day game. For those of you non-UGA kids, that's the game after spring football practice is over where they split the team into two halves and have a little scrimmage. It was slightly dull, but I've missed Georgia football, so it was a nice refreshing preview of next fall's weekend excitement. Sean Bailey and Alan Sell both played, for those of you Miltonites who're interested.
Saturday night I went to the Pamoja Dance Company performance, because a girl on my hall, Britni, was dancing in it, and I was pleasantly surprised. I didn't think I'd enjoy it because it's not really music I like, and I'm not generally a fan of watching people dance, but it was really cool. And afterwards, I met David and Cam at the Bean'ry for the Open Mic, which was alright, but not very different than usual. Alan showed up with some of his friends, and David played an interesting impromptu song entitled "Alan Sell Plays Football And Eats A Lot Of Food," while Alan accompanied him on the drums. An interesting night, although David had to stop between songs to remind me to stay awake for the rest of his set, as I'd been practically dozing off all night.
Today was equally tiring: brunch like usual, then not one but two softball games in a row. They put me at 3rd base! And I caught a ball! A ball that, had I not caught it, probably would have caused us to lose the game! Because we won! So that was a nice change. And oddly enough, our little team that's only won one game not due to a technicality or a forfeit, will be playing for the division championship tomorrow night. Strange.
Made a mix last week. I kinda like it. Not so usual.
And now that I've said many, many things while actually saying nothing at all, I'll let you go. I should get some sleep. G'night, guys.

The Lyrics Game, vol. Six Billion

I know, I know, it's my crutch. Deal with it. But you, my dear readers, have been slacking in the, um, readership department just as much as I have in the...writership (?) department. So here's a chance to redeem yourselves. And I expect you guys to get all of these, seeing as SongMeanings with its brilliant Lyrics Search feature has returned and I strongly encourage cheating. So cheat, steal, whatever, just guess.

1. "She's telling me she's tired of relationships; I'm bending bits of wire into paperclips."

2. "Why's it gotta be that everybody's gotta see the sadness? Everybody's lonely; we don't have to be lonely, baby."

3. "Please don't go. Now my feelings for you they're not lost 'cause we're through anymore."

4. "I can see by the light of a broken sky that you're on the mend. The photograph of your broken-hearted eyes will fade and bend."

5. "Maybe I'm new at this, or is it just your reaction? Be my illusion and I'll be your distraction."

6. "Do you want to start it off just to see how it will end?"

7. "And what becomes of a day for those who rage against it? And who will sum up the phrase for all left standing around in it?"

8. "How can I get closer and be further away from the truth that proves it's beautiful to lie?"

9. "This day could one day be an anniversary. Everything is light and sound."

10. "How does it feel to know you'll never have to be alone when you get home? There must be someplace here that only you and I could go so I can show you how I feel."

Good luck kids!

Static

Guess what's back...

Alpharetta's boring, my car's broken, my new hair straightener doesn't work very well, and those are the least of what's on my mind. Agh. Maybe I'll just go take a nap and wish for the best.

School's Out For Summer, School's Out Forever

Remember when having to take summer school was a bad thing? Yeah. Well I spent a fair amount of time this morning convincing my mom to let me stay here this summer to take classes. It worked, of course, so it's looking like I'll be here in Athens for the summer term, which is June 6th through August 7th. Who else is staying? C'mon, you know you don't want to go home.
That's a huge reason I'm doing it. I don't need to at all. In fact, only one of the two classes I'm taking are necessary. The other is just going to count as elective credit, but I just really don't want to spend three months stuck at home in Alpharetta with a curfew and overbearing parents. If winter break was bad, and that was only three weeks, what's three months going to be like? So, for now, I won't have to find out.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I'm taking DRAM 3020, which is Basic Dramatic Writing, because I'm minoring in Film Studies (I switched over from Drama because I wouldn't be able to take any interesting Drama classes, anyway), and PHIL 2200, which is Intro To Ethics. That's the one that doesn't really matter, but it sounds interesting enough.
So tonight, I'm pretty busy. Busy enough to not go see Back To The Future, Part II which is playing at Tate, and it takes a lot of work to get me to not go see a good movie for $2. Italian test to study for, Sociology research paper to write, Cat On A Hot Tin Roof to read, Young Dems to attend, dinner to eat, Newlyweds to watch...yeah, this'll be fun.

234

So fun weekend! Full weekend. Friday night was the UGA @ Six Flags thing, which was enjoyable despite the cramped car ride there and the lines that were longer than they would have been on your average mid-summer day. One thing that was both a blessing and a curse: on our last excursion to Six Flags, we realized that nearly everyone in the whole theme park has an average weight of 400 pounds and wears very tight clothing. It wasn't like that this time, of course, since it was mainly normal-sized college students and such. It's a blessing because we didn't have to look at enormous people wearing too-small clothing, but it's a curse because normally, Six Flags is a great place to go if you want to raise your self esteem. Just look around and you'll feel better about yourself, but without the presence of thousands of obese people, that wasn't so this visit.
Saturday night David played the Open Mic night at the Bean'ry downtown, and those of you Athenians who still haven't come to see David play should be ashamed of yourself. So we drank our free coffee and David played, and we watched amazing duo of Old Homeless Guy (who may or may not be actually homeless) and Frat Boy, among others, play as well. It's a good time. You should come. After returning from the Bean'ry, Michelle and I decided we were starving for Cinnastix, but due to that damned Daylight Savings Time, Domino's had closed early (some of you may have read my very angry, bitter Away message last night), so we drove all over Athens at two in the morning, searching for some food that could compete with Cinnastix. We wound up eating mushy fried chicken and turkey sandwiches from the all-night Kroger in my room and watching Sex And The City DVDs. All in all, not a bad end to the evening.
Today Michelley and David and I went to see Monster at the dollar theater, and I think we all agreed that it was good but a little too intense for us. Great acting though. And Charlize! So ugly. She deserved the Oscar for that alone. Yeuch.
Lastly, there may be a trip to Greenville in the works for Thursday night. Shhhh. It's very, very tentative. Very.