Does anybody think the school is going to start cracking down on drugs now? I mean, how are they going to deal with this? Is this the last straw before see-through bookbags and routine locker inspections? Are we going to have a series of awareness assemblies? Are they even going to tell about the drug part? I mean, assuming she's dead (I'm not positive if she is or not), they could easily just say, "We regret to inform you that...yadda yadda yadda...our condolences," without any mention of what happened. And that will make me mad. First of all, it's disrespectful to everyone involved to make her into a martyr. She was doing drugs and she died. It wasn't an act of God; it wasn't "just one of those things," and to be perfectly honest, she's not just an innocent victim. I feel very bad, but I will not be happy if they act like this couldn't have been prevented, or something like that. I feel very insensitive for saying these things, but I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. She brought it on herself, and that I think is just as sad if not sadder than if she was an innocent victim. This could have been prevented.
So what's going to happen on Monday?

Happy Thanksgiving, kids! It's Thanksgiving! You know what that means...only twenty-six days, eleven hours, and forty-two minutes until Christmas! Aren't you excited? I know I am.
We have virtually no traditions for any holidays in my family. Seriously, we all just gather and eat, and that's about it, so I don't have any fun stories about relatives or holiday vacations or anything like that. Hopefully I won't accidentally insult anyone again this year...like last year. Hehe...
Flashback
Aunt Nicole: So Amy, where are you applying to college?
Amy: Um, I'm not quite sure yet.
Aunt Nicole: (pointing to college sweatshirt she was wearing) How about Auburn? Why don't you go there?
Amy: Are you kidding me? Auburn? Anybody can get in there.
silence
Aunt Nicole: I went to Auburn. You better watch what you say and who you say it around, honeybunch.
End flashback
Oops. I'm not actually sure if she called me "honeybunch," but they're all kind of hickish, so I'd expect it was something along those lines. Anyway, so here's hoping I can manage to keep my mouth shut while they all talk about biscuits and gravy or whatever real Southerners talk about.
Whenever we come down here (Columbus, GA; a.k.a. "Hell"), my parents southern accents get thicker, and they just generally lose all capability of rational thought.
On another note, my dad today told me (with a Serious Face on--he was most definitely not joking) "Fox News is extremely fair and balanced," and completely unbiased. It hurt to think about.

So, no more Celebrity Softball Game. I mean, it's still going on, but no Butch Walker = no Amy. I've never heard of the rest of the players, anyway. God--no tour dates, no softball games...where in the world is he?
I bought a really cool wintery hat at Abercrombie today, with furry insides and ear flaps with yarn stuff hanging down, and a long peak (is that what those things are called? My knowledge of wintery hats comes almost exclusively from the description of the red hat in Catcher), and it's cute but I'm kind of embarrassed to wear it, because it's kind of...outlandish? I don't know. So maybe I'll just wear it around the house all the time, until I get used to it perhaps. I also bought a jacket. Mmmm...warmth!
Tomorrow we're making the rounds down to Columbus...help me. If I come back in pieces, don't be surprised. I've also got to figure out some things I want for Christmas because the minute the turkey is eaten, the relatives start interrogating me on what I want. The plus side to driving down the Hell for the day is two+ hours in the car that I'm kind of forced to read Beach Music because I have nothing else to do. So maybe I'll actually be productive tomorrow. Shocker.

Beth and I were discussing in the car on the way home from school today a new get-together: an all-day Muppets marathon! You know, "A Muppet Christmas Carol," "Muppets In Space," "The Muppets Take Manhattan"... the works! We were talking about doing it the Saturday after school lets out for Christmas break (aka December 21st), if anyone is interested? Is anyone interested? There'd be snacks...!

People do believe what they believe, but their beliefs are not their own. We are taught what to believe. We don't believe anything until we're given options, and then which option we pick depends on many things: our background, who presented the options to us, what kind of people already believe in each option, et cetera. But it's essentially impossible to formulate your own beliefs because you have nothing to base them on until someone tells you what to believe.
For instance. Let's say you're raised by really strict Christian parents, and that's your background (for the purpose of this For Instance let's say you haven't yet experienced the rebellion from Christianity stage that most people raised by strict Christians experience). So when you're, oh, say, thirteen, someone tells you about abortion. You've never heard of abortion until now. So someone tells you what abortion is, and tells you that some people are pro-life and some people are pro-choice. It seems pretty obvious to me that you're going to choose to believe in the pro-life side, because that's the way you were brought up, and because other people with similar backgrounds to yours believe in that side. Thus, you aren't forming an opinion purely of your own.
I have Christian beliefs because my parents brought me up to have Christian beliefs. I didn't look at all the options laid before me and decide which one suited me best, because I never had any basis on which to make a decision. I am now having more atheistic leanings because arguments people make are making sense to me, and because of things I see, but those beliefs are not my own, either. I'm seeing things and hearing things and picking and choosing which ones I believe in. The way I see it, the only way a belief can truly be your own is if you come up with it in your own head independent of any outside sources or ideas, which to me also seems impossible.
So...what am I saying? That nothing we believe is real? That we don't really believe what we claim to believe? I don't know. I don't even think this makes sense. I've thought too much tonight; my brain may well implode by morning.

I want this. Anybody got $6995 they feel like lending me? No? No takers? Oh well.
Windward almost ate me today. I swear, I have such trouble with that subdivision. I honestly don't believe I've ever gone in it without getting myself lost. Today I meant to go out on Webb Bridge Road, but somehow wound up over by the Windward Kroger. Hmm. Could it be that Windward is taking over the world? Hmmm...think on that.
I'm not interested in this whole Othello essay/Ishmael essay/Trig homework weekend I've got going here. So much that needs to be done, so little to actually do, because I'm lazy and currently find myself feeling rather anti-homework. I'm not a very productive person, so it seems.
The day-after-Thanksgiving plan. If I or Ashleigh hasn't told you about it, remind us to, because we probably meant to. If we have, then, well, okay. I think it's going to be at my house.
Well it's nine o'clock and I'm sleepy and my parents bought me oversized colored Christmas lights to make my room more festive, so I think I'll go decorate, then, uh...something else. We'll see.

So the 99X Celebrity Softball Slam is going on Sunday, December 8th at 3 pm at the Georgia Dome. Tickets are only $10 and are for charity. Anybody remember me blogging about this earlier this year, maybe even late summer? Yeah, well, I did. Because I was listening to my shower radio this morning and I discovered that Butch Walker is, in fact, reprising his role as...a celebrity softball player. So, I will be there, as close up as I can get, taking pictures and maybe drooling a little. Anyone who'd like to join me is welcome to. In fact, please do. I can't go by myself, although for Butch, I would. Hehe...anyway, if you're curious to see a list of all the players, here. Not too impressive, unless you're a Braves fan. Oh well.

Sleepy...sleepy. Everyone is always so tired all of a sudden. I really think that we should have some kind of school-wide Nap Day installed. Do you guys remember WARM at Webb Bridge? You know, W.ebbers A.re R.eading M.aniacs, where we'd bring books and pillows and snacks to school and wear pajamas and read all day? Well we need to have something like that, only, like M.iltonites A.re S.leeping M.aniacs. Only MASM can't really be pronounced well. Feel free to come up with something better, and maybe if it has a nice ring to it, Tesch will approve it and we can sleep all day long. How about it?
I'm glad it's cold but I wish it wouldn't rain. Fall should be a very dry, crisp season, not a drippy wet one. And I really hope that all the rumors of snow somehow materialize into real snow sometime soon. Snow=No school=Sleep.
I'm feeling seriously mix-deprived recently. I need to go make some mixes, but I'm so busy with all these projects and tests and things...I have plans for a couple of mixes for people, and a Christmas song mix, and a few mixes for myself, but I'll have to wait until break to go through with them, methinks. Oh well, more time to compile good songs.
So everybody needs to go see "Bad Habits." Obviously not tonight, because it's too late, but tomorrow or Saturday. I have it on good authority that it's hilariously funny. Well, funny, at the very least. So, go see it, maybe get yourself a little extra credit if one of your teachers is offering it, and have a good laugh at Daniel Glenn in tennis shorts.
I have a small request for those of lurkers who we know read the blogs: comment. "Hi," is an appropriate comment, as is "I read your blog." We're curious as to our audience. Thank you muchly.

I'm a Gin & Tonic: Smart, but mellow, you let conversation come to you.discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

Sometimes I start to feel awfully bipolar.
I haven't had any sort of internal monologue device today, or if I have, it hasn't been turned on. I just can't control the words that come out of my mouth. But is it better to say exactly how you feel, or to just pretend all the time without hurting anyone? And does it make any different at all if you like yourself better when you're one way over the other?
Oh well, I'm going to Trivia tonight, I hope that will make me feel better (I'm sure it will). So I'll probably be really, really happy later on tonight, and that'll be the bipolar kicking in again.

Okay, I was in a great mood. Until my parents came home, and now I'm so miserable I want the world to cease existence. God, I hate them.

"It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city."

I'm in a great mood.

Too funny not to post.

"The following poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush. The quotes have been arranged for aesthetic purposes by Washington Post writer Richard Thompson.

MAKE THE PIE HIGHER
by George W. Bush

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope, where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!"

Do you ever just sit back on the outskirts of a given situation and watch, from the outside in, and wonder what all the fuss is about? Like when everyone is freaking out about something, and you can tell that it's completely arbitrary but you know they won't listen to you. You can see everything so much clearer than they can, and were they in your position, they would surely understand how foolish they were acting and how simple everything really is. They're just missing the big picture. But in the same way that "hindsight is 20/20" and such, no one in a situation can see it from the outside. It's just not possible.
The blogs are so strange now. It's just gotten so big and the effects are far-reaching. But actually, one thing I've noticed that I thought was very odd is that things that occur "on the blogs" don't seem to translate into real life. If someone tells you they hate your guts in a blog entry or comment, the next day they'll act as if nothing is out of the ordinary. It's as if because we are hidden by the internet, we forget that things we say online can be real, too. Sometimes it just feels like practice for something you might say to people in real life, as opposed to something that everyone is going to read. Despite the fact that you have more time to think about what you're going to say when you write something than when you say something in real life, it actually is harder to consider the implications of actions taken through the internet than when you just say something. Blogs are sometimes very personal, and maybe they shouldn't be. Maybe it's best if we just leave the personal stuff to real life interactions. Maybe that would solve so many problems. But where's the fun in that?

Scarier than "The Ring"

We saw "Harry Potter" today. "The Ring" was scary, I'll be the first to admit that. But one thing "HP" had that "The Ring" didn't that made "The Ring" look like "The Carebears" to me? Spiders. Shudder. Millions and millions of spiders.
I'm so tired after this weekend. I should do homework, I should go sleep, I shouldn't blog, but I wanted to. But I think now I'll go read my Othello for the night, do that lengthy assignment for it, and go get a few hours of sleep.

I repeat, happy birthday Butch Walker!
I don't know if I can handle any more school. Just the thought of it makes me shudder. But the thought that tomorrow after school I get to skip town for a few days, only to be welcomed back by "Harry Potter" almost makes up for school. Almost.
Does anybody else feel like the blogs are becoming more boring? I mean, they're really not. A whole slew of new blogs have cropped up, and people are posting interesting entries and things...does anybody miss the blogs of last spring? I sort of do. It makes me want to go back and read through peoples' archives from April or May or whenever it was this blog revolution really exploded. It's like, the blogs used to be something and now they're something completely different, and while change is good* and maybe what the blogs are now is something better, there's still something to miss there. I guess I'm just talking gibberish, but if just one person who was a part of the blogging back in spring understands what I'm talking about, let me know I'm not crazy.
It's chilly. The weather outside is frightful. Ooh! That reminds me! I've been hearing talk of SNOW! I know, I know--I've always claimed to dislike snow, and now I'm all excited for it? Well I just realized that the reason snow sucks around here is that the whole entire town shuts down at a glimpse of a flake. I mean, I'm all for calling off school for an inch, as long as I can still drive around. But when I'm forced to sit inside with my family all day, it almost begs the question: would I rather be in school?
And tonight, the first candy cane of the season. Mmm...classic.

*I disagree.

Happy Birthday, Butch Walker!!!

We got an official-looking envelope in the mail today with this typed on the front of it: "This envelope contains Congressional legislation to make English the Official Language of the United States."
My question is: it's not already?

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Moderate
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Click Here To Take The Test --

Wow. I'm apparently a very screwed-up person.
My favorite is from the description of Antisocial disorder: "People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences." Yep, that's me to a T.

There are things I'd like to say...but I won't.
This week seems overwhelming. So much work! Eh, I'll get over it. It's not important, anyway.
My self-imposed deadline is to have my senior ad (which I'm making practically by myself) done by tomorrow, but I don't know if it's going to happen. There's a severe drought on good pictures in my house, and a lot of the ones I've found are all the wrong shapes. Grr.
Awanita is this weekend, so although I don't get to see "Harry Potter" opening night like we'd planned, I'm excited. Ashleigh, by the way, I told Pennington we'd go see it with her Sunday, okay? Well, I will. You come too, if you can. But like I was saying about Awanita, just like last year, it'll be nice to get away. From school, from Alpharetta, from everything. I mean, yeah, it's a church retreat, and I'll still be with school people and everything, so it's not like that. It's just nice to forget sometimes.
I'm not looking forward to reading my "place" story aloud in Lit tomorrow. I couldn't find anything to write about. I mean, I wrote about something. But it's not really a place that brings back sentimental memories. Thinking about it doesn't make me feel nostalgic, it sort of makes me glad that it's in the past and I'm not. I'm not a big fan of these assignments that we're required to read aloud. I'm okay with reading some stuff aloud, but not stuff that I'm not the least bit proud of. We shouldn't have to read things to the class if we hate what we've written.
I want to go see a movie. Or something. Something that's not "sit at home and do homework while watching 'Boston Public,'" which is what I'm going to be doing tonight, even though "Boston Public" sucks now. I'm all for the idea that the teachers should get together and organize one day, just one day where they all decide not to give any homework or have any lingering projects or tests, so we can have one day to rest or do college stuff or something. It would be nice.

The great minds of our times always steal their ideas from other people.
My own lyrics game, a la Laura.

1. "It's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light."

2. "You don't have to scream to say something that you honestly mean."

3. "You don't wanna look much closer, cause you're afraid to find out all this hope you had sent into the sky by now had crashed."

4. "I wanna take back everything that I've broken but the bridges behind me are burning and smoking, I guess this is the end."

5. "Grasp our hands together, we feel we are one result."

6. "As the kings of boredom, we ruled as we knew how, or at least as long as our curfews would allow."

7. "I can't help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling if I just turn and run."

8. "So come at me with your moon and burn me in the stars cause nothing matters anymore."

9. "From me and you there're worlds to part with aching looks and breaking hearts."

10. "My hands are tied, my body's bruised; she's got me with nothing to win and nothing left to lose."

Just figure out the songs and artists; cheating is welcomed and encouraged. I tried not to use a whole lot of "obscuro-shit" that nobody's ever heard of...I'm certain somebody out in the void has heard of some of these bands. Trust me, they're not very obscure at all.

Fucking ridiculous.
I really didn't think that I cared at all, but apparently I did, because I'm still slightly angry about the results.
For those of you who didn't get a call last night, this is basically it: "Elephant Man" didn't even place (meaning 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th) in the State One Act Play Competition (I think we got 5th place out of 8), and the main reason is that one judge subtracted a whole twenty points from our score because, and I quote, "This play was inappropriate for high schoolers." We were furious. And it's all politics, and there are so many ulterior motives running rampant at that competition, and to further twist the knife in the wound, the top three plays were all musicals. In the words of Aniele, "our situation sucked harder than Pam Anderson."
But last night was interesting.
Those of you who hate the song "Drops Of Jupiter" by Train...I don't understand you. I love that song so much. It came on the radio last night to break the dead silence of Mr. Mays' minivan, and we all started to sing along (except for Jason, who was asleep next to me), and it just felt so good. And I thought about how I love that song and how so many of my friends don't like it, and I couldn't understand why, because I really think it's a great song. "Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"
And now I have enough homework to fill the inside of a boat. A houseboat. No, make it a yacht. No, one of those Disney cruise ships. Only with less guys dressed as Pluto and more math. So I'm going to go do that.

For those of you who have never had the priviledge of seeing The Cat Impression: I offer you this.



Sorry it's so grainy; I think my scanner is acting up.

Does anyone even read this anymore? Actually, I guess it would be nice if nobody did; I wouldn't have to ever censor my entries, plus I wouldn't have to worry about boring everyone.
People are so funny. You look at them wrong, and they think you don't like them. But then you look at them some other way, and then they don't like you. I wish that everyone would just realize that nobody knows what they're doing; a goodly portion of people's actions are unintentional and are far from deliberate. I mean, I suppose it would do for me to listen to my own advice, but when has that ever happened before?
I'm enormously excited about the Christmas season being upon us. And don't anyone try and tell me things like "It's not even Thanksgiving yet!" because I just won't listen. The minute the pumpkins are in the garbage and the floor is littered with the discarded wrappers of Snickers and Twix', I break out the garland and the Christmas music. I've been dancing in my car to the beautiful sounds of my two 99X-mas Soundtracks, and I fully intend on making my very first holiday mix as soon as I've downloaded enough good songs to compile a good playlist. Just thinking about it being close to Christmas improves my mood. I get to go buy presents for people...send out Christmas cards again...decorate the house...speaking of which, I would really love to have the house completely decked out for Christmas by the time my parents return from Europe tomorrow afternoon, but I have so much homework that it doesn't look like it's going to happen unless I do it tonight. And I wouldn't count on that happening, as I don't have any big strong guys to call over to go down in my basement with me to fetch the decorations. I'm the biggest scaredy cat there is.
It's funny to me how just listening to Angie Aparo's "Silent Night" in my car, or sucking on the first candy cane of the season, or even watching "Home Alone" for the six hundredth time can almost convince me that it's December, and we're out of school, and it's freezing outside but the warm fire makes up for it, and the air smells of pine needles and cinnamon, and at any second it could begin to snow but wait a minute, what am I thinking, this is Georgia, and the stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and everytime a bell rings an angel gets its wings, and you better watch out, you better not cry, and Christmas time is here again. It's good for me to pretend that it's December because November 4th is just blah, just there, so much school, so little holiday. And I need some Christmas magic now, so where's the harm in speeding up Father Christmas a little just to make the days a little bit brighter?

So sad.

We went to the football game tonight; the last home game in our high school careers. It was so pathetic--Ashleigh and I got there at around seven, and the student section consisted of six people. We made eight. More people showed up as the night dragged on, of course, but it was still crazy that so few people showed up. And it was freezing, and I heard we were going to lose like always, and we weren't in the mood for a football game, so Beth, Ashleigh, and I went to Waffle House instead, right after the first quarter. I really wanted to leave, so I tried not to think about how that was the last high school football game I'd ever go to while in high school, and things like that. I tried not to think about how many things (football games, fun activities, time, etc.) I've squandered this year or these years while sitting around or doing drama or something crazy like that. I feel like I should have participated more. I mean, I suppose there's still some time left, but there's not really. But I'm not going to turn this into some crazy list of all the things I regret not doing in high school, so I'll leave that topic alone for tonight.
I don't think I'll have trouble leaving my house; I think I'll have trouble leaving Milton, though. Or at least the people in it. Some of them. Most of them. It's going to be difficult.

Last night was a whole lot of fun. I'm really glad I went. Ashleigh and I had the coolest costumes at the party, of course: we were the cows. David became our cow herder soon after we arrived. There were a lot of cool people at the party, and everyone had such great costumes! That is, except for the kids who didn't feel like WEARING costumes at all. Hehe. Well I had fun, even though I'm way tired today and I didn't get to go trick or treating this year...I love trick or treating. Oh well.
I have gobs of homework stuff this weekend to do, but I'll probably just end up finishing Wisdom Of The Ages (I hope). That book is NOT my favorite. I don't even mind annotating it as much as I mind the book itself, which is unusual. It just seems so...I don't know. Somebody help me out here.
My blogs are so boring. I'm sorry, but I needed something to do during a boring, boring, boring Economics period. Sue me.