Well, they posted it. And of course, I didn't get in. It really does figure. I mean, why would I ever be allowed to get anything that I really want? God, if I was having self-worth problems before...this just cements everything.
I really, really don't want to perform tonight. I just want to go to sleep. Hey, at least there's no reason to continue to try to get good grades, because I'm obviously not good enough for anything more than UGA. Woo hoo...I can stop trying.
And to all of you who said I'd probably get in, I told you I wasn't fucking good enough. I wish people would stop lying to me, leading me on, allowing me to get my hopes up. I wish I could just accept the fact that I will never, ever be anything more than mediocre.

So I got in the UGA Honors Program. I mean, I'm glad I at least got accepted to something today. Still no word on UVA.
Sara Beverly peer-pressured me into skipping sixth period today (just kidding, Sara--I totally talked myself into it), so, well, I did that. And there's more play tonight. And my grandparents are in town. And I just want to know where I'm going to college! Why is it so difficult? Well, in any case, even if they don't ever post the decision on the UVA website, I'll at least have the letter probably by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. It's just so irritating.
And you know what? Once I know for sure, I'll stop blogging about it so much. Okay, well, one more blog, but that'll be it. I swear.

Aaaggghhh. Seriously, Virginia. Quit beating around the bush. You're making me nervous here. Stop it. Really.

College Blog, Part II




Tomorrow. I don't know if it'll be morning or night, but sometime tomorrow, it seems. I don't like waiting--I feel all fluttery and nervous, because turns out, I really, really want to go to Virginia. I don't know, I guess it never really hit me how much I wanted to go there until I realized that soon, it might be decided for me. I hope not--I hope come tomorrow I still have a decision to make between colleges, although if I get into Virginia it won't be as hard a decision. Hmm, UVA or UGA? Let me think.
I really don't know yet how I'm going to feel if I don't get in--I keep telling myself that I won't, because I more than likely won't, but I still think it'll be a shock. I don't know. It's not Harvard or Dartmouth or anything, but it's where I want to go. So if you see me sometime after tomorrow and I look all subdued and sad, then at least you'll know why.

Shizzit, Bizzitch

Fuck Yes:


I'm beyond upset that the picture hardly came out. It's because the flash didn't go off, although I think there was something wrong with my camera because all of my pictures were a little bit grainy. And to think that if I had gone to run errands last night like I wanted to instead of going to watch that movie at Jason's, I would have bought real film and brought my real camera and the picture would have come out and I wouldn't be so completely miserable all the time. God. Quick, somebody give me some good news or something, before I have a freaking meltdown.

College Blog

So, I received an offical-looking envelope from University of Maryland in the mail today. Curious to see what it contained, as I'd already gotten my admission confirmation and everything that goes along with it, I tore it open and pulled out the letter. Turns out I've been chosen, without even knowing I was in the running, for some President's Scholarship that's somewhere around $3500 a year for four years. Huh. This is an interesting new development. So Maryland is practically begging me to come to school there--not only did they admit me and put me in the higher of the two Honors programs, but they give me money? You know, I'd completely ruled out Maryland as an option for me, saying that if I get into Virginia (which, by the way, I find out about this coming Friday, I believe!) I'd go there, otherwise I'd go to UGA. But is getting a scholarship to Maryland, albeit not a huge one, reason enough to at least reconsider them as a choice? I mean, I really can't answer why I ruled them out to begin with, except that Princeton Review book that stated that "Maryland students are generally unhappy." So do I need to put them back in my decision? And then, I have to wonder, how the heck am I supposed to make this decision? Maryland: will give me money. UGA: my parents will buy me a car. Virginia: probably won't have to worry about it, since I more than likely won't be getting in. So which one? Is getting a car a terrible reason to choose a college? Is getting scholarship money a terrible reason? Is greater prestige a terrible reason? I just wish the decision was more clear-cut than this.

Edited to add: Is anyone else having trouble with their template updating? I keep updating mine in the Template mode but it hasn't actually changed on my blog since, well, March 3rd. Anyone else?

Score One For The Lotus Eaters

We got first place at Trivia tonight! This is the first time we've ever gotten first place, except the one time during Cheating Trivia (where you were supposed to cheat--c'mon, guys!), but so many people have told me that that time doesn't count for much, since it just means we're good at cheating. So now we've gotten first place on our own merits, with a grand total of 95 points, winning us the coveted $50 gift certificate to Tijuana Joe's! Score. Well I'm excited.

Something Good

If you're interested (as I'm sure most of you are not), it seems that Butch is doing a signing this Saturday at Best Buy to promote the new Live X cd. He'll be there from noon till two, it says, but I figure I'll get there extra early because I have to be at softball pictures around two. No word yet on whether or not he'll toss in an acoustic performance. Anyway, I'll be there even if I have to go by myself, but if any of you want to get something signed by Butch, or to buy the Live X cd, or even just to hang out with me for a little while so I won't have to be bored in line, let me know and we'll go together.

The Kind Of Morning That Lasts All Afternoon

"Four more exits to my apartment but I am tempted to keep the car in drive, and leave this all behind." --John Mayer, "Why Georgia"

Anybody else know that feeling that Mr. Mayer is talking about? I pass 400 every morning on the way to school and sometimes, despite the traffic, it's so tempting to just merge into the turn lane and get on it. Screw school, I'm going someplace else. Of course, I never do, never will. Not on the way to school, at least. But do any of you do that sometimes, when you're driving around, just want to get on the highway and see where it takes you? If you're tired of where you are, and you just need a change of scenery, or just need to escape for a little bit. Of course, as was evidenced on the Columbus trip this weekend, sometimes the places you drive to aren't any better than the places you leave behind. But either way, there's still that urge to just drive, because while running away from your problems surely doesn't solve them, it does give you some extra time to figure them out.

Because I Want To Know Who I'm Looking At

Quote of the Week:
"Hey Ian, if your sister ever feels like having sex, tell her to call me." --Chad

Last night was really frightening. Looking back on it, of course, we really shouldn't have been so scared, or on edge, but we weren't thinking rationally. It was just, with "The Ring" and both Chad and Bob scaring the pee out of us during the movie, the doorbell ringing and door knocking really didn't help things. And then, although I think I was the only one that was really freaked out by this: later that night, Jason discovered that the upstairs phone line was off the hook. I guess I was the only one that drew a connection between "phone line off the hook" and "maniacal killer inside the house waiting to devour our remains." But we all got out unscathed, so it's okay.
Tomorrow's another week. I don't want it to be.
Highlight of my day: discovering a picture of Butch Walker on the cover of the Arts section of the AJC, as well as a positive blurb about his track on the 99X Live X 8 cd on the inside.
Lowlight of my day: my internet connection going down and not working for eight hours. If I was in the middle of a conversation with you and suddenly signed off, well, now you know why. I don't hate you, I promise.

Just writing to announce the second Amy-Ashleigh softball game, this Saturday (tomorrow) at 2:30 at North Park on Field 6. Come one, come all, especially if you couldn't make it/didn't want to come to the last one. Watch one of us kick the other's ass as we show off our mad skills in right field. It'll be fun. 2:30. Be there.
Also, Ashleigh's boyfriend'll be there, so if you didn't get to meet him today at school, then you can finally meet the elusive Isaac.

Huh?

Butch isn't playing Music Midtown. WTF?!?! Is the guy dead? He's played Midtown almost every year! Plus the fact that he hasn't played Atlanta since freaking October. Damn.

Check out the full list of Music Midtown performers.

You know, looking at the list, I really don't think I'll go. There's nobody on the list that I actually want to pay money to see, I think. Oh, well.

Death To UGA

God, if I have to even look at this UGA Honors Program application again, I think I'm going to just explode.
You know, self-explosion might actually be an improvement.

Honestly, if anyone can tell me what an "intellectual or artistic question" even is, I will be forever indebted to you.

Give Up?

You guys correctly guessed all the song lyrics that I expected you to, so I posted the answers into the song lyric post, if you're interested. That's all.

As Seen On "Boy Meets World"

Cory: You really think I made a good film?
Mr. Feeny: No, I think "The Graduate" was a good film.

Haha! I get it.

Those Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days of Summer

I woke up this morning and could have sworn it was summer. I don't mean the weather--it's kind of chilly, at least, it is inside my house. I just mean the atmosphere of everything. My parents were already at church when I woke up, and I walked downstairs with the strangest sensation of...I don't know. Lethargy? Some summer-specific emotion. It just feels like I could call someone and ask them to go out to lunch, and we could, because we don't have anything better to do. It feels like I don't have to go to school tomorrow, or at all for a few more months. It feels like I could lie around my house and read all day, go out to a movie tonight, not to go sleep until three, and do the same thing tomorrow, too. For a minute, I wondered if my wish had been fulfilled and I actually had slept through the remainder of the school year, but I decided that my parents probably would have woken me up around May. So, I don't know...it just felt strange, and it still feels strange, and it's hard for me to convince myself that it's not currently summer.

Books I'm Still Missing:
Our Town
Tuck Everlasting

I can't quite remember who I lent them to so long ago (although the names "Laura" and "Beth" do come to mind...), but I just wanted to make sure that even if I didn't have them back, they at least had good homes for the time being. Just, you know, whenever.

Selfish

I want to read my book and take a long nap and not go see a war movie tonight. I want to stop thinking so much and stop feeling so awkward. I want to go to college. I want to take a break. I want to go shopping in a deserted mall and have my poetry project finished and listen to John Mayer in the car all weekend. I want to buy some new nail polish for Monday night and not screw up in the game tomorrow and I want it to be sunny for at least a couple of weeks before raining again. I want us to keep eating on the picnic tables and I want to start going off-campus for lunch more often and I want summer to come a lot sooner than it looks like it's going to. I want everything to be simpler and I don't want to be paranoid or nervous ever again and I want this room to not be so cold all the time.
I want things all to just calm down.

When There's Nothing Left To Say

Thanks to a lack of things left to say, we'll be playing the song lyrics game on this blog, today, too. And I made it less hard this time--I promise you guys have heard of almost all the artists I used! Maybe all of them, but I can't be too sure. Either way, they're not as obscure this time is what I'm trying to say. You understand.

1. "If it's the last that I'll see of you, it's the least that you could not do." --"Back To You" by John Mayer

2. "Tonight will go on forever while we walk around this town like we own the streets and stay awake through summer like we own the heat." --"Soco Amaretto Lime" by Brand New

3. "No one else can fix me, although sometimes my heart tricks me into thinking someone else will do." --"Come Around" by Rhett Miller

4. "I don't know when I got bitter, but love is surely better when it's gone." --"You Wanted More" by Tonic

5. "Am I the only one that hears the tears run down my face, would anybody recognize at all?" --"Rest Of My Life" by Unwritten Law

6. "My once-photographic memory for recollection's sake is killing me." --"My Apology" by The Get-Up Kids

7. "They don't make stationary like this where I'm from, so fragile, so refined, so I sniff and lick your envelope and fall to little pieces every time." --"Across The Sea" by Weezer

8. "She only drinks coffee at midnight, when the moment is not right, and her timing is quite unusual." --"Meet Virginia" by Train

9. "Time makes you bolder, even children get older, and I'm getting older, too." --"Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac

10. "I look Jabba straight in the fucking eye and say 'Don't worry, every time I picture Katrina's face it's going to be on the side of your gross, fat-ass, 3-chin neck,' she says, 'Are you stupid?' I say 'No, I'm just SOBER!'" --"Katrina" by Marvelous 3

Okay, c'mon, let's see some guessing. I know you guys know some of these.

I'm Sure I Went To School Today, But All I Remember Is This:

What a lovely day! A college acceptance, a softball practice that was actually pretty fun, and ice cream all in one 24 hour period! The college acceptance, of course, was to UGA, as most of you know. Most of you know, because most of you also got into UGA today. Those of you who did not, more than likely didn't apply at all. So, that was the only point of excitement during the school day. But as I said, softball tonight wasn't that bad at all--I caught three fly balls in one practice! (Which, of course, is three more than I've ever caught before.) Then, a celebratory ice cream gathering for all the potential UGA students we could round up at Cold St--excuse me, Marble Slab Creamery. Hehe. Which was really fun, despite the bad jazz and funny tasting cookie-dough. After that, I proceeded to get lost in Windward (again! I swear to you, it's every time!) And to think my parents almost bought a house in Windward when we moved here. Would I get lost on the way to school every day? On the way home? More than likely. You know, that Clubhouse Drive sure is a bitch to naviagate.
Okay, so this Saturday: Ashleigh's and my softball teams are playing each other in the first game of the season! Everyone should come watch! While I miss more balls than are thrown to me ("Not possible," you say? Come and find out for yourself), Ashleigh is certainly the next Ken Griffey Jr. or similar baseball icon. Man, she's a powerhouse...whatever that means. So anyone whose idea of fun is watching Ashleigh and I make complete fools of ourselves (read: stand in right field/sit in the dugout), join us! It's at 2:30 Saturday March 8th, at North Park on Softball Field 6. I know some of you had expressed interest in watching, so, come watch!

Environmental Science And You

You know how most textbooks are so incredibly old that when you visit your great-grandpa in the nursing home, he says to you, "Your Friend, Chemistry, eh? I remember that textbook from back in the day..." Well, our Environmental Science book is not like that, because Environmental Science itself hasn't been around for very long. This is rather inconvenient. I mean, you're studying a subject that poses questions to which there are no answers yet. Environmental Scientists (like one Edward "Ozone" Wilson) barely know anything about Environmental Science! To quote Miller: "Blah blah blah, global warming, ozone, CFC's, endangered species, biomes, 2.5 babies born every heartbeat, blah blah blah...Will this trend continue? The answer is that we do not know." Thanks for clearing that up, Miller. See, normally, when a textbook asks a rhetorical question, it tells you the answer, so you then have some piece of knowledge to know for the test. This text is just one "Do we know what we're talking about? Maybe, maybe not!" after another. Sheesh.

Oh, No


(a picture of a teenybopper from What'sBetter?.com)

I'm sensing myself falling deeper and deeper into that syndrome called Female Teenybopperdom. Or something similar. You know, the girls who sit around reading Cosmo, painting their nails, and watching reruns of "Sorority Life" on MTV all day. This is not a good place to be! I fought my way out of this syndrome long ago and was hoping that all the symptoms were gone for good, but apparently they've come back with a vengeance.

Case 1: Found myself in the car contemplating the fact that "Your Body Is A Wonderland" is clearly the worst song on the John Mayer cd. The best? "3x5".
Case 2: Saw and fully enjoyed "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days."
Case 3: During "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days," saw preview for the newest Mandy Moore movie, "How To Deal." Thought it looked supercute.
Case 4: Used the word "supercute."
Case 5: Finding self listening to Star 94 more than 75% of the time the radio is on, and knowing most of the lyrics to the songs.
Case 6: Was significantly excited when the latest issues of Seventeen and YM arrived within two days of each other.

I'm sure some of you have experienced this syndrome yourselves, perhaps in middle school or early high school. Can anyone recommend any antibiotics or non-prescription drugs that I can use to rid myself of this ailment? Or am I doomed to to be a teen-magazine-reading, romantic-comedy-watching, Top-40-listening, supercute-saying girl for the rest of my life?
Methinks that would be bad.

Highlight Of My Week

SongMeanings is back online! This is great news! It's been down for months developing a "new version" and I don't know where I've been without it. So everybody go. Great, great lyrics site that not nearly enough people know about. Yay!

Just A Step To The Left

"Today I finally overcame trying to put the world inside a picture frame..." --John Mayer

What an exciting weekend this is so far. Really. Last night I browsed Chapter 11 for awhile before finally deciding on Survivor by Palahniuk (on someone's recommendation) and The Giver (on everyone's recommendation). Then I rented "40 Days and 40 Nights" and made it a Blockbuster night. It was a big night for me, really, it was.
And today we had softball practice in the rain (yuck.) where it was once more proven to me how very, very bad I am. I hit maybe 1/15 of the balls pitched to me. Eh, well. I never promised I'd be any good when I signed up for this sport.
And now, while to be perfectly honest, I'm more in the mood to just chill and read or watch a movie or something tonight, I'm going to go to Rocky Horror with some people. Hmm. It's strange--back in 10th grade, I believe it was (probably because that's when we all read Perks Of Being A Wallflower), I wanted so badly to go see Rocky Horror in a real theater like they did in the book. I was so mad that nothing in Alpharetta was "cool" enough to host things like that, and that at that point in time, none of us could really go anyplace else. But now, it doesn't really appeal to me all that much. I'm sure it'll be fun, so don't everybody jump on me saying "if you've got a negative attitude you're just going to ruin everybody's time," because that's getting old. I don't know. Maybe things that require excess make-up and hair product just don't appeal to me.
Aaaggghhh. Shudder. Hair product.

Edited to add: It's finally March! Which means it's almost April, which means it's almost May, which means we're almost done! Yay! Graduation is just around the corner! Hehe...