So the phone messages consisting entirely of some sort of quacking and sex noises were highly entertaining. Let me tell you. As was the "Hi Amy this is Bethany I'm reeeeaaallly drunk okay byeeee! Click" message around eight o'clock. (Eight o'clock, really guys? Now where's the fun in that?) [Edited to add: I've since discovered that Drunken Bethany message was in actuality Bethany Faking Drunk message, which to me is even sadder, eight o'clock or not.] Well, at least I can sense when I'm going to be harrassed via telephone and know better than to actually answer. That power has served me well over the past seventeen years.

All in all, things have been going well. Really well. Aside from boy troubles, maybe a little too well. I, of course, will take what I can get. My point is, I have had a pretty busy summer thus far, despite all the boring afternoons, because everyone is either working or still asleep. Speaking of working: note to self--find job! Pennington is going to ask at work if there's an opening, because it would be fun to work with a friend, and if not, I'm off to the retail application process, which both sucks and blows because I don't think anyone wants to hire a first-time workerbee. Alas, it's something I have to do in order to keep the parents from completely losing it.
No plans to speak of for the next week or so, unfortunately. Of course, we usually end up getting things together at the last minute, but even so, this past week since graduation has been filled with order and schedule. It's been nice and structured. Not that summer is meant to be structured, but it's difficult to go from the structure and order of school to the laziness of a meandering summer without a transitional period. In any case, we'll probably end up just doing the usual this week--hanging out, Trivia, ice cream, different peoples' houses. Then, of course, the weekend. Saturday is The Day. Shopping in Little Five Points, an early dinner at The Vortex, waiting in line for five hours or so, and then...The Acoustic Concert To End All Acoustic Concerts--Butch Walker himself at the Variety Playhouse. I am, needless to say, excited. Ashleigh, Pennington, Steve, and I will be enjoying the sounds of Butch Walker himself, with any luck, from the very front of the stage (thus the waiting in line for a long time). Afterwards, we fully intend on inviting Butch to come back to Sara's with us, but not before asking him to buy us some alcohol (he is, of course, over 21). So then it's par-tay at Pennington's, for those of us lucky enough to be attending the concert plus one (probably very drunk) rockstar. Fun, it seems, will be had by all.
Beyond that, I don't know. Summer? We'll see.

A Number Of Blog-Related Questions

1. Why is my blog the only one that never seems to work?
2. When is BloggerNew going to be applied to everyone's blog, and not just the beta-testers and the new bloggers?
3. Is BloggerNew going to be the solution to all my problems, or am I going to have to find some impossible way to switch to Moveable Type?
Grrr at Blogger.

Soon

I want to get together at someone's house and have a Noggin party, and watch reruns of "Degrassi" until we finally see The Sex Episode (!!!), and watch reruns of "Clarissa," if we can ever figure out what time it comes on. Any takers?

Something I Haven't Done In A While...

..but that you're probably still sick of. A few interesting search engine queries that have led various people to my blog lately:

1. The requisite Raven Symone searches. Varying from "Raven Symone pictures" to "Raven Symone graduates," and I've always wondered if there really are any websites about Raven Symone. If there are, then why is my blog so high in search results when her name is searched? In any case, I'm just glad there haven't been any "Raven Symone naked pictures" searches lately (that was an actual search one time.)

2. "Aniele Atlanta." Is that like a travel agency or something, or is someone searching for Aniele? Who knows.

3. "Channel nine The Bachelorette." This one is a little bit shameful because it means I must have at some point written about "The Bachelorette" in order for my blog to come up as a result. I don't suppose it matters, as I've never actually seen "The Bachelorette." (Now, "The Bachelor," on the other hand--completely different story. I hadn't ever seen it, until the other night at Timoree's house, when there was a marathon on for our viewing pleasure. Don't worry, though, I'm officially up-to-date on "The Bachelor.")

4. "Butch Walker Athens Georgia." Good to know someone has taste, even though I can't be at the Athens show (that's tonight, I might add.)

5. "Huey Lewis' SAT Score." I mean, really, does anybody care? I suppose someone does.

Sometimes I'm tempted to just write down a bunch of random words, just to see if any of them show up in search queries. Lobster American Eagle blogger cotton Egyptian ratscrew Milwaukee. I don't know; we'll see.

It's easy enough to prevent myself from posting quiz results on my blog during the school year, but during the summer? It's just too hard. That's all there is to do in the middle of the night, take quizzes and post the results someplace. At least this one is minorly interesting. See if you can recognize all the possible quiz results based on the possible answers (I know I can, but then again, it's me. Of course I can.)


Which John Cusack Are You?

Man, I feel pretty damn guilty about it, but I just can't stop listening to the R. Kelly "Ignition" remix. Like, literally, I cannot bring myself to stop pressing "Repeat" on my CD player. I just can't. I mean, what right-minded girl could possibly resist a line like, "Ya must be a football coach, the way ya got me playin' the field"? It's magic, people. Magic.

Well today was pretty action-packed...or at the very least, not too boring. First Garrett's birthday dinner at Superior Wok, where apparently the "funniest thing in the entire world," according to Garrett, is written on the bathroom door. Immediately after was Speed Trivia, where we not only easily took first place, but did it without even cheating very much. After that was Cold Stone, and then a night of raunchy sex at McGregor's house*. All in all, a pretty fun evening.
As usual, though, there isn't much to say. I just don't want to completely neglect blogging, despite my lack of interesting stories. Soon, though, I'm predicting some fun and exciting things to write about. We'll see.
Until then, though, I'm bored. I can't wait until college, when I won't actually have to be locked in my house as soon as the clock strikes midnight (or 12:24, tonight).

*Watching reruns of "Family Guy" and calling everyone's cell phones.

I made a new mix today. Or, actually, I think it was last night. Who knows, all the hours seem to blend together in the summertime.
My summer's been fairly great so far. Many things have happened, but not many I can really blog about. I ordered a digital camera today. Sadly, that's about the only thing I did today. Well, tomorrow looks to be interesting, as I found myself not double but triple booked, cancelled one of my engagements, and am going to attempt the two-places-at-once deal. Of course, it's not exactly at once, so I think it'll work out.
Well, just know that my summer has been significantly more interesting and exciting than it looks on this blog. There's just not a whole lot I can say about it. Well, maybe tomorrow.

Seriously

Really, guys, I'm not kidding this time. If you want to come with us to the June 7th Butch Walker show (or at least, if you want to get tickets with us), you need to let me know now. I'm going to order the tickets tomorrow. If you already told me you are going to come, please just verify that (there should be about four of you). I just don't want anybody mad at me for not getting them tickets, so just tell me if you want to come sometime today, okay? Thanks!

Well, I Had Fun

I know it's early, guys, but nobody's awake yet and I don't want to be alone online. I need some human contact. I know, this is the first moment in just about 24 hours that I've been out of human contact, but...do you remember that feeling you'd get when you were younger and you had a friend sleep over right after they went home the next morning? And you'd feel kind of just down, and a little lonely? Well that's how I feel now.
I can't write anything especially poignant about graduation itself because to me it didn't mean much. Either it hasn't quite hit me yet, or it just wasn't anything special. I mean, it just felt like an ordinary day for me, only we did a few different things. I guess that's kind of weird, but I couldn't make myself feel anything deep or profound about it. It was just walking across a stage, and our diploma is just paper. I guess the actual event doesn't mean nearly as much to me as what it symbolizes.
The lock-in was nice. It really was. I think it was kind of cheap that I didn't manage to win anything, when I was led to believe that this was an everybody wins something kind of ordeal, but it's no big deal. So what if I didn't get a DVD player, or free tickets to anywhere AirTran flies. So what if some other girl is walking around with a new laptop or a new color TV while I walk around laptop/color TV-less. I got a massage! That was one of the highlights of my evening. The casino was kind of lame, to tell the truth, just like the one at Homecoming this year. I played blackjack for a little while, but didn't manage to win much. Too bad I suck at gambling. I mean, it was fun hanging out with the few people who got there early before the crowds arrived, and it was fun walking around bored out of my mind with Timoree and Jimmy, and it was fun going with Erin every five seconds to check the prize boards, but it just wasn't as overall fun as I'd hoped. Of course, it was school-sponsored, so I think it's in the rules that it can't be too fun. One thing that I didn't really like, and I talked to a few people about this, was that at five o'clock, when we were supposed to leave, everyone just left. Nobody stuck around to say goodbye or anything, thinking this is the last time I'll see these people at least for a long time, if not forever. Maybe everyone else is just glad to be rid of it, but I'm going to miss everyone.
At five, though, I think we really didn't want to go home, because David and Timoree and I stood around in the parking lot for a good twenty minutes chatting, before deciding that we weren't really tired, and that we'd much rather drive up to Lake Lanier to watch the sunrise than go home to our respective beds. So we piled into David's car and drove up the lake, found a really nice spot right down next to it to sit and watch, and sat. Unfortunately, the sun must have decided to take a rest today, because it never actually came out. All of a sudden it was just brighter than it had been before, and we'd sort of missed it, but we hadn't really because we figured it was just too cloudy to see anything, anyway. So we decided that next time (and there will be a next time), we'd just check the weather channel first, but this was kind of a spur-of-the-moment deal. It was a very nice way to kick off the first day of summer, though, I really think so. Even if we didn't get to watch the sunrise. It was nice to sit by the lake and watch the ducks and play around on the rocks. I think despite the sun being rather temperamental, it bodes well for a really, really amazing summer.

719 Days Down, 1 To Go

Blogger's being a little bitch lately so I don't know if any of you can read this at all. Just a few things I wanted to say before going upstairs to get ready for tonight's events.

#1. Saw "Down With Love" this afternoon. Very cute. Even the boys didn't hate it, which is quite a feat. And you really can't go wrong with a Ewan McGregor movie...mmm.

#2. If I don't see some of you in the giant mess that's going to be graduation tonight (no practice? Yeah, Milton, that'll work), then I hope to see you at the Lock-In later tonight; if not, then just congratulations!

#3. Those of you who aren't lucky enough to be getting out tonight, come see us in the cafeteria after the ceremony like we did last year! I will more than likely be there for as long as it takes to see everyone. This shit is hard to deal with.

#4. Good luck, everyone, on not tripping going up the stairs or anything. Although I sort of hope one of you does trip...just for kicks. But anyway, if you do happen to make an enormous fool out of yourself in front of your entire graduating class and a stadium full of relatives and friends, just laugh it off. I actually think it'd be kind of cool. That's not to say I want to make a fool out of myself...just that, if I did, it wouldn't be the end of the world. I can be well-adjusted like that from time to time (I know--a shock, isn't it?!).

Congrats class of '03!

Two Things

#1. Sara Pennington has a new blog. It's not fixed up yet so maybe I'm announcing this too soon, but I wanted to go ahead and do it before I forgot. It's linked in my sidebar now, so go read it (as soon as she posts something besides the requisite "First Post").

#2. Boys are confusing and annoying. Every last one of you. Yes, that includes you.

Ancient Ramblings

I was going through the old files on my computer this morning and I came across something I wrote a few months ago, probably intended to be an eventual blog, but that I never posted or did anything at all with. I thought I'd post it, even though it's practically irrelevant now, not to mention horribly tedious and redundant (go ahead and take a nap if you need to. I still won't feel offended):

“It’s the end of something simple, and the beginning of everything else.”

There’s a lot I’ll regret about high school. Mostly things I’ll regret not doing, but a few actions I’ll regret taking and statements I’ll regret making. Sometimes I think about how my high school experience has been lacking in many of the things I always dreamed of. It lacks the elements of magic and romance, those ideas that the movies instill in us when we’re still young and formative. I remember back in middle school, daydreaming about what high school might be like. I was completely off base. A lot of good has come out of high school that I never expected to, but a lot of bad, too, and I’ve yet to determine which outweighs the other.
I would love the opportunity to do it again, forty times over, trying different things every time. The thing is, the things you do freshman year determine how the rest of your high school career will be. Sure, you can change friends, you can change classes, you can change interests, but people will remember things you did freshman year. If you were a slut freshman year, that’s not going to go away. “There is no away.” If you were a dork freshman year, or someone popular. Those things, you can’t change, because they’re always a part of you, even if you’ve changed. I don’t know that I fit any particular stereotypical description my freshman year, but I know that if I had had different experiences that year, I would be a different person today. Whether that would be better or worse, the jury is still out.
I remember freshman year, in drama class with Bethany, going through the old yearbooks in Poulos’ room. We would read all the Senior Quotes, and look at the Senior Portraits and things. I remember thinking how old and wise all the seniors were, and how much more they knew that we had yet to learn. I remember wondering what my Senior Quote would be, and how I myself would be senior year. Now that it’s arrived, and is over halfway finished, I…still don’t know. I don’t know what I’m like this year. To me, I’m just a regular girl, but worse. I wish I had a defining characteristic, like The Artist or The Actor, but I really don’t. I’ve yet to discover my real talent or worth.
But I’m drifting off subject. Freshman year. I would think about what my senior year would be like, and of course, in my mind it was all sunshine and daisies, cherry red convertibles, and weekends. Nothing hurt. Of course I was wrong; we’re all wrong. There is no possible way I could have predicted what my senior year would be like, four years before. Not a chance. Too many things have happened in between 1999 and 2003 that contributed to what 2003 is like.
One of the only things I truly believe in is that we take a little piece of everyone we meet with us for the rest of our lives. Even people we only know for a short while, we carry with us forever. We change people for the better and for the worse, but everyone we meet takes a little part of us with them. I am the way I am because of who I know—namely, because of my friends. The people who have had the biggest impact, more than likely, are the people I’ve known the longest, but everyone, even people I just met this year, have influenced the way I am now. They’ve helped me get where I am now, even though I really couldn’t tell you where exactly that place is.
These four years are all I can really remember. It’s like this is real life, and my life before freshman year was all a dream. It’s not something as cheesy as, “I came alive during high school,” but it’s just that the time before that was so long ago, and so relatively insignificant, that I just don’t remember it. I remember the careless uncertainty of freshman year, though, and the state of limbo of sophomore year. I remember the pride and anticipation of junior year, and I’m experiencing the rise and fall and torment and joy and importance and scariness of senior year right now. I wouldn’t consider this year the most important of my life thus far, though. Nothing’s happened so far! Well, not nothing, but nothing I’d really care to remember.
The thing about high school for me is just that—even though everything’s happened, it doesn’t feel like anything really has. This is all I’ve known, but I still feel like I’m waiting. The quote from Alfred D’Souza sums this feeling up quite nicely:

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin, real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This is my life. I’ve just yet to recognize it as such.

I Think A Change Could Do Me Good

Quite obviously, we've undergone a few changes over here at "Greetings." Unlike Laura, there's nothing particularly symbolic about my change. I was just getting tired of the old Floating Boxes blue-and-grey, so I thought I'd spice things up and add a bit of color. Pardon the mess, though, because I've had to add all of the code for the links and such, so some things might be a little bit off-kilter for awhile.

Who Would Win In A Fight Between...?

1. Drew and Daniel?

2. Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christiansen?

3. Mr. T and Jason?

4. The Milton Aerie and a back-issue of TV Guide?

5. Mrs. Serkedakis and Mr. Jones?

6. Alan Thicke from Growing Pains and Bob Saget from Full House?

7. Love and Hate?

8. The new Radiohead CD and all of the old Radiohead CDs all ganged up together to fight the new one?

9. Mr. Wade and Mr. Friedman?

10. Patrick (of Trivia With Patrick) and a sizable block of cheddar cheese?

LOVE v. HATE

I love that I never have to go to another class at Milton High School as long as I live. I love that I don't have to take any finals this semester. I love Drew's CDs. I love that those letters can make me cry. I love that those damn Vitamin C and Eve 6 songs get me every single time. I love that I'm going to get a free copy of the slideshow at the Grad Night Lock In. I love that we got dessert at Longhorn's today. I love that I feel like I'm reconnecting with some people I hadn't been as close to in a long time. I love that I finally bought a summer purse. I love that I don't have to wake up in the morning. I love that everything is finally going alright. I love that when the necklace I had just bought in American Eagle snapped in half, the salesgirl let me get a new one. I love that my Red Envelope was fat, but I feel bad for anyone who didn't get any Senior Letters. I love hate that I don't feel like I'm ever going to really finish my Senior Letters because I still have four or so people that I owe real letters to. I love that I have plans for every day for at least a week if not longer. I love that there's a Butch Walker concert coming up and people want to go with me (by the way, let me know if you want to go [it's the June 7th one, not the May 29th one] because we want to buy tickets ASAP). I love that I finally got around to buying little toys for me and Katie and Annette to play with at graduation while over 600 names are read. I love that they aren't having graduation practice, which means that our class is invariably going to screw something up. I love hate that they ran out of Chicken Biscuits at the Senior Breakfast before we got to the Log Cabin. Yeah...I really hate that one.
Love: 17
Hate: 2

I think we can declare a winner.

If Two Years Makes Tradition

I was going to wait until the year ended, but I didn't last year and I don't want to wait anymore. Nothing much is going to happen in this next week, anyway, that would need to be added. And if something does happen, we can remember it on our own. But here: The Remember List, 2002-2003.

So my mother just bursts into this room as I'm typing something, hovers right in my face, and asks loudly, "Who wants chicken pie for supper?" I suppose she was expecting me to giddily respond with, "I do! I do!", but at this point my parents have been coming in and out of here nonstop and I would kind of just like to be left alone, so I calmly reply with, "I don't know, who?" Her face turns into a stony glare, she slams the office door so hard I thought the panes of glass would pop out, and screams, "I don't know why I bother!"

Does anybody else understand parents?

Saturday Night Sketch

For tonight's activities, Pennington and I decided that we'd try out Trivia at another venue. We searched the web (there're actually sites where you can find Trivia venues in your area for each day of the week) and found a venue in Norcross and a venue in Marietta for tonight, and deeming Marietta too sketchy, decided to test out the Norcross venue. So we gather up Steve, Tony, and Brynnlee, and make plans. The place is called Barnacles--it's evidently a seafood restaurant, although you might not realize it from their slogan, reading: "Seafood Oysters Sports". (Seafood, then oysters, a type of seafood, then sports...another type of seafood?) The area looks pretty shifty--in a strip mall, where we have to park in the "lower parking lot." Never mind the "Under 21 Not Permitted After 9 PM" sign above the door. Trivia begins promptly at 9:30, and although the categories are a bit broad ("Movies," "Sports," "Music") and the awfully uncharismatic Trivia host looks uncannily like one of the fatter members of The Chubb Institute, our team (called "Ph33r," which Trivia Guy pronounces "P-H-three-three-R") is doing pretty well. But then things go from sketchy to sketchier. Our waiter--obviously drunk--keeps requesting that we win the third prize for him: a pitcher of Budweiser. In the restroom, there are a number of advertisements, including one for a DUI lawyer and one for Psycho Sisters that read "Now that you've tinkled with us, come shop with us!" The team sitting behind us keeps glaring at Brynnlee and making eyes at Tony. Now the waiter is back, being creepy. He comes and sits in an extra chair at our table, saying nothing, as we all hold in our laughter, also saying nothing. Then he asks us to win him the beer again before leaving. The final bonus question is this: "What was the highest-grossing movie in the United States to have Whoopi Goldberg in it?" We guess "Assgasm 6," wagering zero. Soon after, Creepy Drunk Waiter comes over to our table again and says, "Aw, man, ya'll should have put 'Ghost!' Man, I bet that's what it is!" The answer, we soon find out, is, in fact, "Ghost." So Trivia is eventually over, and Steve, Pennington, Brynnlee, and I, who all came in my car, part ways with Tony. We have MapQuest directions that got us to Barnacles quite simply, so we figure we'll just reverse them, right? Wrong. We're driving back and forth along a stretch of land that's deserted save one windowless white building most likely containing a crack den and one abandoned tanker truck for about a half hour. And while this is fun and all (if fun means scary), when we see the sign reading "Now Entering Hall County," we begin to realize that we're not going in the right direction. So we turn around, take Pleasant Hill back home, and arrive around 12:45, a good deal of time after both parental and state-enforced curfew, but alive and well. We're not sure what became of Tony, though. He could be still out there, driving up and down Peachtree Industrial, wondering why Regal disappeared.
The moral of this story? Never attend Trivia at a restaurant that thinks that sports are a type of seafood, and never go to Regal Cinemas between midnight and 12:30 AM. It will not exist.

It's crazy that I've been sitting around most of the day wondering if I have any schoolwork to do. I don't feel peaceful and calm because of my lack of homework, I feel bored and anxious. It's not that I want some Trig to do (heavens no!), but I do kind of wish I had something to keep me busy and to keep my parents from randomly assigning "boredom-preventing" chores. You'd think it was already summer.

We're Number...2?

Well, of course, we lost the championship softball game. I suppose it wasn't entirely my fault this time--it's hard for a lose to be entirely the fault of the catcher. It was close--tied 10-10 for two innings. It really sucks, though. So we got second place in the tournament.
And here's where I realize Reason # 4,828 why Amy should never procreate: I would put too much pressure on my kids. Seriously. If my kid lost at something or was stupid (and you all know how much I hate stupidity...), I wouldn't able to tolerate it. I'd be one of those parents who can't tolerate failure of any kind, thus pushing their kids into self-hatred and other negative things. Which, I know, is a bitchy way to be. I just kind of think you shouldn't do things unless you're going to be the best at them. Why bother if you're not going to win? I told my parents tonight that I wish we'd gotten 3rd place, and they didn't understand it at all. They were happy for 2nd. I just think that at 3rd, at least we didn't have a chance at winning.
So, I'll never have children because they'd hate me because I'd probably end up beating them for not getting straight A's, a scholarship to an Ivy League, and a Varsity letter. That's a good enough reason for me.
Completely off topic: typing the word "Varsity" made me think about "The Varsity," as in the restaurant, which made me want to go downtown for some reason. So, summer break, come faster! None of the fun things we have planned (including going downtown from time to time) can be done when we're still wasting away in the classrooms.
Uh oh. Spider. Shit.

Seniors '03!

We sooooo won the Powderpuff game tonight! It was so nice to see all of you there to support your class, har har! Nah, it's alright, I knew you guys didn't want to come. But we won the game 6-0, I got to play for two whole plays (!!!), and then we went to Bruster's and didn't see any of you Jewish Chuck kids there! What's up with that? Okay, so, to celebrate the fact that seniors rock hardcore, baby, I'm going to avoid school tomorrow until that guest speaker in the afternoon and the dreaded Trig test that I don't have to pass. So for now, I'm going to go collapse onto my couch and watch the series finale of "Dawson's Creek," because I'm sick and I'm sore. It's been fun!

Too Tired, With Too Much To Do

We won our softball game tonight (sorry Ashleigh--you guys were really good, though!), putting us one game closer to winning the championship (we'll see). But after last night's Powderpuff practice and tonight's softball game and standing on the field for awhile so our quotes could be misread and we could silently snicker at peoples' only honors being "softball," I'm kind of sore and exhausted. Not to mention getting sick. Oh well; wish me luck on my two AP tests tomorrow, the Powderpuff game tomorrow night (here's hoping I can figure out how to play defensive line...), and the championship softball game on Friday night. Yeah, I'm definitely going to need some luck this week.
Off to do other things!

Oh God. I hope I didn't say anything I can't fix on Monday. I'm going to be doing a hell of a lot of damage control. Damn. But hey, I had fun. Did everyone else have fun?

For the record, "The Lizzie McGuire Movie" is the greatest movie I've seen in a very long time. And I saw the first "X-Men" last week. Yeah, suck on that, nerds. (I love you, nerds! Please don't hit me!)
So I've been peer-pressured into posting the infamous journal that Friedman read to all his classes the other day, and the only reason I say that instead of just posting it is because I'm afraid somebody is going to read that I posted it and think something about how I'm acting pretentious to post it even after Friedman read it and all, and because I'm paranoid, and stuff like that. So, just know that it wasn't like I had some crazy notion that everyone should read my journal or something, but because some people asked me to post it. So here:

04/29/2003
10:12 pm

“Certain things they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone. I know that’s impossible, but it’s too bad anyway.”
--Holden Caulfield

05/06/2003
10:45 pm

When I posted that quote from the first entry, the one from Catcher In The Rye, I meant to discuss it but got distracted and wound up not mentioning it at all. The quote is from the part in the book when Holden is talking about the Museum of Natural History, and how nice it is that it never changes, and the only thing that changes every time you go back to visit is The quote is from the part in the book when Holden is talking about the Museum of Natural History, and how nice it is that it never changes, and the only thing that changes every time you go back to visit is you. I think this quote can really connect with a lot of things that are going on right now, this being the end of senior year and all. For one thing, I think sometimes it would be nice if things never changed. If we could all remain teenagers forever, with the same friends and the same personalities, even walking the same halls and driving the same routes forever and ever, and not just because it’s safe and comforting but because it’s going to be hard to abandon these friends, these halls, and these routes. It is “too bad, anyway,” that everything has to change. Some things should just stay the way they are forever.
The part of the book where he’s talking about how the only thing that changes every time you go to the museum is you is applicable, too, but this time to Milton. That is kind of comforting, the fact that Milton just doesn’t change. Of course, it does—the classes used to be numbered all convolutedly, and there didn’t use to be so many useless “Our Goals” signs all over the place—but on the whole, it’s been the exact same place every single day of the four years I’ve attended it. The thing that’s been different every time, every day, is me. Some days I’ll be in a good mood and some days not. Some days I’ll be very busy and overworked, and some days I’ll be laid-back and easy-going. Some days my hair will be up and some days it will be down, but no matter what, no matter how much I change, the school is staunch, remaining the same. I think a lot of people feel this way, and I think that’s why it’s such an alarming idea to us that they’re going to relocate Milton. I remember over the summer, Ashleigh and Michelle and I were playing ping-pong in Stephen Clawson’s basement, and we all made a plan that if they decided to tear down Milton, we’d come home from college, chain ourselves to the front of the school, and refuse to let them destroy it. One might wonder why we’d feel so strongly about a building we’ve wanted out of for approximately four years, but I think it’s because it is comforting the way it never changes. We’ve been through ups and downs, but Milton’s always been there. In our minds, we were the first class to ever attend Milton High School, and the last class to ever graduate from it. Of course that’s not true, that’s not true at all. But we feel like Milton was just sitting there, waiting dormantly for us to reach high school, when it finally came alive for us. And then after we’re gone, it will have outlived its usefulness and will return to just sitting there, taking up space but serving no purpose, because surely there isn’t another group of scholars just waiting for Milton to come alive for it as well. The idea that the powers that be could tear down the place that’s been both our Hell and our Home for four years of our lives just to rebuild it for a generation that we’re completely out of touch with is a little bit unsettling.
It just occurred to me that I’m not exactly citing my own ideas here. God, does anything stick in my mind besides quotes from books I’ve read? “In the deep, tacit way in which feeling becomes stronger than thought, I had always felt that the Devon School came into existence the day I entered it, was vibrantly real while I was a student there, and then blinked out like a candle the day I left.” Page one of A Separate Peace. Man, it looks like the 10th grade reading list is more appropriate for a graduating 12th grader than it ever was to any oblivious 10th grader. But at least there’s something backing up what I mean, and I do mean it of Milton, strangely enough. I’ve wanted nothing more for four years to escape, and now I’m having trouble letting go.

The Paper Anniversary

Today marks the first birthday of my blog, the one-year anniversary of my relationship with blogging. And if I had time, I'd go back over my archives, survey the damage. But there are things to be done, senior letters to be written. It's kind of cool to know that I can stick with something for a whole year, even if it's something as trivial as keeping up with an online journal. It's something, though, since I've never been good at sticking with things.
In the year since this blog first opened for business, a lot of things have changed. I, of course, have changed. My friends have changed; my blog has changed. Last year, though, at this time, I was writing primarily about something like how much I was going to miss everyone when we left high school. And now, a whole year later, I find myself writing about much of the same things. Usually I'd have a problem with that, claiming it meant that I'd remained static over the past year. This time I'm just comforted that something hasn't completely changed.
This isn't much, and it's not even close to what I had planned it to be. Things don't always work out, though. I just wanted to take some time out of my busy letter-writing and softball game-playing schedule to tell everyone who blogs, go back and read your archives. Not necessarily this second, but when you get a chance, maybe this weekend. Read about the things you were worried about a year or so ago, and the things you were excited about, and just consider them. I don't know how you'll feel about everything--I'm not trying to make you feel a particular emotion, or trying to make you feel what I feel. Just go back and see how you feel. It could prove for some good end-of-senior-year free therapy.

Regarding the May 29th Butch Walker show: I still can't get in touch with the venue to find out whether it's 18+ or not. I've seen information that says it is, but the official BW website says it's all ages, and they haven't emailed me back to say yes or no. So that may or may not happen, but never fear, Butch has added a June 7th date to the tour at the Variety Playhouse, so if we don't end up going to the May show because it turns out to be 18+, anybody who's willing is welcome to come with me to the June show. I'm, of course, going to try to go to both, but we'll see how that turns out.

I updated the movie quotes in the "Guess!" box. These are harder than what I usually put up there, I think, but I have it on good authority that at the very least one person who reads this blog has seen each of the movies in question.

Ha!
Plus--what the shit was with that AP Lit test today? Excuse me? I thought AP Lit was supposed to be easy. Evidently that is not the case. I'll be lucky if I pulled a three.

So, I'm in a much happier mood now. Powderpuff is so much fun! I get to be tight end, which, if you'll recall, was the position of the deaf hottie from "The Replacements," played by David Denman, who I was in love with for a whole summer a few years ago. I'm excited to beat the shit out of the juniors. BUT it's so tiring. And I still need to study for the AP Lit test at least a little bit. I still don't understand metonymy vs. synectechywhcheycy or however the hell you spell it. So, I'm off to learn that, then I'm going to at least attempt a good night's sleep. See you all bright and early!

I was reading the last several pages of Catcher In The Rye in prep for the AP test and all of a sudden I felt so overwhelmed, like I had all this weight pressing down hard on my chest, and I couldn't concentrate or think straight. And I kept on reading but I couldn't stop thinking about everything. I kept thinking about how we only have three more weeks, and two of them are AP weeks thus they don't count, and the third is Finals week thus it doesn't count, and I kept thinking about how I wonder if life does or doesn't end after high school, and I kept thinking about how I'm not so much worried about myself in college as I am worried about my friends, and I kept thinking about how I'd probably never see a lot of people again, and I kept thinking about when TBS first started rerunning "Dawson's Creek" over spring break or so and how I started rewatching it and getting all nostalgic for old times and how I kept wanting to find myself and how I kept regretting how I'd never had an ideal high school experience, and I just felt like I was going to cry, and the last scene of the book has never been sad to me before but it was so sad now, and this is the last time I'll ever read that book in high school, or maybe even at all, although I doubt it, and I feel like I want to make the most out of what little time we have left but I don't know how, and I feel like everything is ruined and nothing can ever be fixed and I just want everything to be perfect and normal and okay and it's not, because the year is almost over, it's slipping through our fingers, and we're trying to hold on for dear life but then it turns out there's nothing to hold onto at all. And I feel like I'm going to cry and I don't know what to think or what to do. It feels pretty awful. It really does.
And now I feel sort of sorry I wrote all this down, because I haven't written anything pretty personal in here in a long time, and because looking back on it it seems a little stupid and trite. A lot of what I write seems trite to me. I think I'm just a sort of trite person. But I did write it and I'm not going to go back and delete it because it's out there, and who knows, maybe it'll make me feel a little bit better, or even just help me write Senior Letters or something silly like that.

You are Raphael...People call you a cynic. You
prefer the term, "realist." You are
tough as nails and anti-social. You are the
coolest turtle in my humble opinion :)


Which Ninja Turtle Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Raphael, really? Hmm. Well, I don't remember the Turtles well enough to recall who was cool and who wasn't, so I'll just pretend that whoever's "humble opinion" that is is the truth.
What I do remember, however, is that back at good old Longwood Elementary, we had school pictures that you could take with a prop, and they had a whole table of potential props for kids to use. Basketballs, frilly umbrellas, the works. And I wanted to use a stuffed Ninja Turtle as my prop, only the photographer wouldn't let me. He said that it was "not for girls." He said my parents wouldn't like it. I was really distraught over this--I had really wanted to pose with this Turtle! He was right, though--my parents didn't approve of little girls watching the Turtles. They were Off Limits in my house. I probably ended up posing with a Barbie doll or something that year. Skipper, most likely. And it probably screwed me up for life, too. If only the photographer had let me pose with that damn Ninja Turtle doll...

Happy Dos de Mayo!

Film Festival at school tonight. It went better than I expected, I suppose, but it was still about seventeen hours too long. Highlights included watching half the auditorium empty out when "The Lost Soldiers" won Best Drama Feature over "Admissions," (not only because we wanted "Admissions" to win--also because none of us were willing to sit through "The Lost Soldiers" for second, or in my case, third, time), killing time at Starbucks, watching Drew collect a couple hundred awards (his purse came in handy), and barely being able to keep my eyes open during the first "X-Men" at Drew's house afterwards. I think I saw enough of it to be able to see the second one, though, if the occasion arises. Definitely not tomorrow night, though. I've put off AP prep for far too long to be going out more than necessary.
Speaking of that, I fully intended on coming home tonight, gathering up as much caffiene as I could stomach, and staying up til the wee hours rereading books and going over poetic devices. I'm not going to be obsessive about it, but I really don't want to open up the little officially sealed booklet on Monday and find out that the test is actually written in pig-latin. Well, if it happens to be, I'll just keep thinking of the sad puppy dog from Arkansas...haha...poor puppy. "Aw mayun, ah cayint read!" Good times, good times.
I actually find myself excited that these next two hellish weeks are upon us. Mainly because we can get them over with and finally act like the true slackers we are, but I think I thrive under pressure like this. I don't know. I suppose we'll see how much I thrive when we get our scores back this summer. I'm expecting a 4 in Lit, a 3 in Government, and a 2 in Environmental Science if I'm lucky. And for all of you naysayers, you "Environmental Science?! How can that be hard? That's a fake class!" kids, the average score on the APES test is a 2.71. And while you might argue that that's because only stupid people take the test...well...I have no proof verifying either side. But I hope maybe that'll convince at least a few of you that just because it has the word "Environmental" in the title, it's not all reconstructing voles and watching "Cane Toads." It's hard work, too.
I'm exhausted, so I'll be going to sleep now. Busy, busy day tomorrow. I'll see some of you at "A Midsummer Night's Dream" tomorrow night (and those of you who I won't see there are missing out on seeing Daniel Glenn with a hairless bare chest), and the rest of you, well. G'night.

Creepy...

I saw the guy that we hit, again. The same place, on my way home from school, only this time I was directly behind him. I followed him until we parted ways at the intersection of Webb Bridge and North Point Parkway, but it was weird. While I was sitting in the car next to him waiting for the light to turn, so I could go straight and he could turn left, I kept waiting for him to recognize me, even though I don't know that he ever got a good look at me. Either way...freaky.